How My Mother Would Solve the World's Problems

1. Gaza Strip.

She would march right up to the warring leaders and say "I don't care who started it, but it's mine until you can work this out." Then she would pluck the Gaza strip right from them, and put it on top of the fridge (a very large fridge) so that they could see it, but not touch it. My mother did this with many a Barbie when I was a little girl. 

2. Earthquake in Japan

"I don't care who made the mess, you're all going to clean it up. Who spilled this radioactive iodine! How many times have I told you not to bring that here! You can't do anything else until this is all clean." 

3. To the burners of the Quran and the protesters in Afghanistan. 

Once again "I don't care who started it" (this is a common statement for mothers, and I think it would be a helpful thing in world affairs, because you shouldn't be concern about who started it, more about getting it to stop.) Then she would say "Go to your rooms, and I will come talk to you." The involved parties would wait solemnly in fear. My mother comes in, and explains what they did wrong. She will not leave until they aplogize profusely and sincerely, it can be a long painful process or an easy one. My mother is very good at making people feel guilty, as most mothers are. "It makes me feel worthless when you fight." She'd say. Obviously you don't want to make such a nice woman feel bad, suddenly what you were fighting about doesn't seem so important. The too sides of the argument come out of there rooms and are emotionally burn out, they reluctantly apolgize and hug, then act like nothing happened. 

4. Charlie Sheen

I think my mother could break even him. She'd say "I'm disappointed in you Charlie"

Charlie would say "You shouldn't be, because I'm winning!" 

My mother would shake her head. "You know (insert younger person who means a lot to Charlie here) really looks up to you, and you wouldn't want them doing the same things you did." 

Charlie "Oh my god no! They could never handle the amount of cocaine I took, because I have tiger blood! Maybe I should stop being an asshole!" Ta da! Problem solved.