At the Library

I have recently spent a lot of time at the public library, because my AP Language and Composition teacher has been loading us with reading, and I'm going through books so fast, I can hardly keep up. Throughout my time at the library I have seen some very strange people.

Once I saw a mother and her son, who was about 15 I would say. He seemed to be using the computer to do a project, and she was looking at random things online while waiting for him to finish. He I was sitting next to her trying to browse the online library catalog for books by Susan Sontag, while she loudly complains about her financial troubles to her son. Her son seemed to be a little irritated about this, so he didn't say much to her. But still she kept talking, she loudly said how she was going to get a job... 'eventually.' Now that sounds like real motivation to me. (Sarcasm). At first I felt bad for her because she was having financial problems, but after I was sitting next to her, and smelling the stench of her last cigarette on her clothes, and the surrounding area, I didn't feel so bad. Who I really feel bad for is her son, who is obviously working hard on his school work, while his mother goes and blows all their money on cigarettes, and has no immediate intention to get a job. I'm just afraid that this boy will get caught in this cycle and not be able to end it.

The same day I saw a little gangster boy. He was about 10 or 11, white, dark blonde hair, and was obviously trying to rock the baggy rebel look. It was not working, the effect was somewhat comical. He was playing some sort of violent game on the computer, and listening to some terrible rap music, which I could clearly hear  from his headphones. He kept looking around, self-consciously, as if to make sure it was know that he was only at the library because he wanted to play gangsta games on the computer while wearing his gangsta clothes and listenin' to gangsta music.

One day when I was walking into the library, a very large man was wandering around near the front. I'm not very good at judging height, but he was over 6 feet tall, that's all I can be sure of. He was a little chunky, but not obese, and he had these huge meaty hands, he looked really powerful. I walked in and had to walk past him so I said "excuse me" he seemed startled and a little scared of me, (I'm 5'4", just to let you know), he immediately reminded me of Lenny in Of Mice and Men, not like he had a mental illness, but he was just so large, and so much like a teddy bear. I watched him for awhile, he was really gentle with everything, and seemed to be easily scared by anything, a little boy ran past him, and he nearly jumped out of his boots.

Gift Overload

The Middle is one of the best shows on this planet. It portrays one of those families that just makes your family look so loving, and organized. Just recently I watched the Christmas episode. The family was trying to have a "simple christmas." Obviously the three kids were not very happy about that. An orange was what sparked this because during the great depression, most kids only received an orange for Christmas. I still get an orange and an apple every year from my great grandma every year for christmas, and this eplisode was a nice reminder of what those fruits represent.
Personally I don't think a simple christmas sounds that bad, our family has decided to stop exchanging gifts between our aunts and uncles, and cousins, because we just get too much stuff, and we don't have room for them. Gifts are way more appreciated if there are fewer of them. This year I've tried to buy things with a little more sentimental value.
I feel like as we've gotten older, my family has realized that there is so much more to Christmas than presents, it has now become a tradition to play charades with my very competitive family every year at one of my grandma's houses. At another we sing christmas carols and play in the snow.
I guess what I'm saying is that we can learn a lesson from TV. Okay maybe that's not what I'm saying, maybe I'm saying nothing, or saying everything, I don't really know. I was just kind of in a sentimental mood I guess, so you received my gushy christmas story.

blogger's block

This is terrible, I'm blocked. Plus it's sunday, and I have three blog posts due tomorrow. This is the kind of situation that makes me want to dress like a pirate and yell "Curse you, my unimaginative brain." So what I'm going to do is go on to Stumbleupon.com  and blog about the first thing that comes up. No exceptions. So here goes:

Well this is quite interesting, it seems to be a furry ball. I'm actually not quite sure what it's supposed to be. Well, here look for yourself: Furry Ball. It reminds me of christmas.

Well that was a dud. Lets try again. Oooo Look, it came up with 5 life lessons  I'm pretty sure I've received everyone of these in a chain e-mail.  I don't know about you, but these always seem extremely fake to me. I've gotten into the habit of deleting almost anything that says Fwd: in the subject.
Some of the chain emails that annoy me the most are the religious ones that say something like "I'm sending this because I believe in Jesus" or the ones that say forwarding this will help some little child that has a terminal illness. How can an email possibly prove that you believe in Jesus or help a child recover from an illness. If you actually wanted to help you would go volunteer to help raise money for cancer research or something, and I honestly don't think Jesus will care if you waste your time forwarding an email or not. I'm sure there are more valuable things you could be doing with your time and Jesus would understand.

Which brings me to another web based topic. Many of you are familiar with facebook, and how recently it was a fad to change your profile picture to a cartoon character to 'stop child abuse.' Would anyone like to explain to me how that could possibly stop child abuse. A friend of mine said "Someone will be beating their child then see all the happy cartoon characters on facebook, and just stop." Yep, that will definitely work. I have blogged about domestic abuse before, and as I have already said, the best way to stop it, is to be on the lookout for the signs of it. If you know someone is being abused you have to tell someone. Some people get a false sense of doing a good deed by changing their facebook picture. They think, I've done my good deed for the week and I can be done now. No you're not done, you're never done. Good deeds should happen whenever necessary. I guess the one good thing about this facebook fad, is that domestic/child abuse is brought into more attention, and I plead everyone to be on the lookout for it, so we can actually stop it.

Yet to be titled

Since about 7th grade, a few of my friends have been writing novels, mostly they were inside jokes, that made no sense to anyone else, but they made us laugh. Occasionally, we would write a novel that actually had some potential.
One day we were reminiscing about our novel writing days, and one of my friends suggested I start writing a novel again. Since then I have started three, but I haven't got far (I can't decide if it's because I'm too busy, or just lazy.) Anyway, I'm going to share with you the first chapter of one of those novels. I find it sort of funny, but I have a weird sense of humor, so you'll probably just think I'm weird, but here it is:

1

Noel- Monday Afternoon classes

It was a Monday in my theater class, it was my turn to take the stage, I had prepared a brief monologue, which I thought would be a home run for my grade. The lights dimmed in the auditorium, a single beam of light on me, with a dramatic flourish of my hand I began. I told the story of a drunken mans woes. My classmates were in stitches, and right when I was about to perform the bit where the drunken man finds his true love, a figure loudly bursts into the auditorium, casting light down the aisles, illuminating the faces of the people in the crowd. The figure remained only a silhouette as it walked slowly down the aisle.
“Excuse me,” Mrs. Harold said, “Sir we are holding a class.” The figure visibly tensed but continued to walk towards the stage. He stopped in front of the stage and looked up at me. I could now see his face, it was beautiful and dark. I let out a small gasp, I looked into his deep brown eyes, I couldn’t look away, he was scary. Mrs. Harold stood up and walked closer to the stage. “Noel, do you know this man?” Before I could answer the beautiful man quickly turned around, and looked Mrs. Harold in the eye, she seemed to have a reaction similar to mine, her face softened, and she seemed to forget what she was asking.
“No she doesn’t know me,” the beautiful man said. “My name is Benjamin O’Donnell, I work with her father I have been instructed to pick her up, there has been an accident at work. I have a note.” he handed her a folded sheet of paper, and she glanced at it, and said “very well.”
My mind was racing, my father owned a very small business, and all his employee’s were like family. This man was definitely not one of them. The man turned back to me, and those deep penetrating eyes began to bore into me. Mrs. Harold said “You may leave, Noel, and finish your presentation some other time, I will inform the main office that you have left.” I stepped down from the stage, make a split decision to leave with this man I have never met, I lifted my backpack, but the man grabbed it from me and slung it over his shoulder and started back up the aisle, I followed. Someone lifted the lights in the auditorium, and the beautiful mans face was revealed to the class, a low rumble of whispers erupted throughout the auditorium.
When we burst into the light of the cafeteria, we headed to the north entrance. Just before exiting I stopped him, “Who are you really?” I demanded. He looked around, “I can’t tell you here, wait until we’re somewhere safe.” he turned and headed out the door. It sounds crazy, but I followed him, something about him told me it was okay. Once outside he led me in the direction of some low income houses across the street from my high school. We passed through a few houses, stopping at each one for the beautiful man to gaze at each intensely, then move on. At the sixth house he walked up the steps and opened the door.
“You live here?” I asked.
“No”
“The owners just left the door unlocked”
“No, I unlocked it, just go in” he said, I complied. We walked into a cramped living room with children’s toys littering the ground.
“Now who are you.”
“Just wait,” the beautiful man said. He flicked his wrist in a movement so subtle I almost missed it. His face changed, seeming much younger. It still held all the intensity, but the seriousness was gone, in it’s place was purity and jubilance. The beautiful boy smiled at me, and I felt safer than I ever had in my entire life.
“I am Mecha,” he said.
“Noel,” I said sticking my hand out to shake. He took my hand, and was about to say something but was stopped by the sound of a door handle turning.
“Hmmm” said a voice, “I remember locking this door.” I gasped. Mecha grabbed my arm and we raced to the kitchen of the small house.
“There’s an attic,” Mecha said looking up, the ceiling was low, so he was able to reach the attic chain easily and pulled the trap door open. He leaped and pulled himself up into the small space.
“I can’t do that,” I glanced around nervously, I could still here the voice from outside. Mecha leaned his torso out of the opening using his legs to brace himself, grabbing me and pulling me through the opening. I expected to feel the ceiling scrap my torso as he pulled me through, but I felt nothing.
“How did you do that.” I asked.
“Strength” he shrugged. With the agility of a cat he slinked through the dark cramped attic. There was a dusty window at the end of a narrow passage. Mecha opened it and started to shimmy out. I peered down, “You’re not going to jump out,” I said.
“Dabigeta, will protect me.” he replied, and jumped, I heard a soft thud, “Now you” he said. I hesitated but once again I had the feeling that everything was going to be okay. I jumped, and a fell lightly onto a waiting Mecha. He set me down gently.
I wasn’t sure why he took me to that house, and I never really found out, but one important thing I learned is that there was something special about Mecha.
“Now I can explain this all to you, follow me.” Mecha said. A few minutes later Mecha and I arrived at a small café downtown. We picked a small table in the corner.
“I am here to inform you of your Tiyeta.” Mecha said
“My what?”
“Your Tiyeta, your powers in other words.” I raised my eyebrows as Mecha said this but didn’t challenge him, I had that strange feeling again, it was telling me that he wasn’t making this up.
“There are thirteen Tiyeta’s,” he continued, “The first four are English words, because they are easiest to discover, and the last nine are from ancient times, when the original Tiyeta holders were around.”
“But I don’t have any powers.” I protested.
“Yes you do, you have the first power, intuition, which is what made you trust me blindly. You may have others but it is too soon to tell, I must take you to Ipenya to train you. “
“I don’t know where Ipenya is, but I can’t just up and leave school.” I said
“We will make plans and spend the weekend there, you do not need to worry, I’ll take care of it. But now I must get back to informing you of the thirteen powers. The four that are easiest to obtain are intuition, strength, levitation, and speed. The nine others are twat, bahawi, tagilo, cadeyie, firo, dabigeta, mesera, arova, and ceranes.” I looked at him blankly as he rolled off these strange words.
“I know,” he said, “it seems strange, but I will teach you what the mean. Let’s go to the park, and I’ll show you how to you them.” I began to get up but he held up a hand and said, “we’ll use the bahawi” I sat back down, “Bahawi is teleportation basically, but it is not good for quick escapes, as you will see in a few moments.” He held out his hand and I placed mine in it, he closed his eyes, I watched him, it was almost two minutes before anything happened. Without warning we were sitting at a picnic table in the same position we were in at the café. Mecha smiled at my expression, and released my hand.
“Now I can show you all the powers that I possess, I have 9 of the powers, which is a lofty number, if I do say so, most can only develop the four core powers.” I nodded, wondering if I should be impressed by this.
“My favorite power is tagilo,” Mecha said, “which is the power to communicate through your mind. I can send messages to any person I wish, everyone can receive them, even regular humans, and animals, but only those possessing tagilo can send them.”
“Send me one!” I said excitedly, he nodded, and not even a second later I had a weird sensation in the back of my head, I could hear it as clear as my own thoughts and I could see the words in front of me, ‘You are much to excited’ it said. ‘Well I don’t like your voice in my head,’ I thought. I could also see this typed out in front of me. A second later Mecha was looking  at me astonished.
“You’ve got the tagilo!” he said, “I never seen someone pick it up so quickly.” I have to admit I was quite pleased.
“You should know something else,” Mecha said, “If you send Tagilo to regular humans, some react by saying what you sent out loud.”
“Show me,” I said. Mecha pondered for a moment that pointed to a tall blond girl who was talking to a rather buff looking guy. The blond girl suddenly said “Mecha is sexy,” the guy she was with gave her a strange look, and I could see he was a little upset by this statement. I hit Mecha across the arm. He smirked.
“What other Tiyeta’s do you have,” I asked.
“ I have bahawi, which you’ve already seen, and twat, which I used in the house outside you school. Twat is face changing.” he said.
“If you can…. Twat.. How do I know what you really look like.”
“This is my real face,” he said.
“Liar”
“I am not,” he said, “I promise, you can only twat for 6 hours at a time. More if you are masterful. Some are really good, Vendetta can twat for 18 hours at a time, I have never seen her real face, no one has. She locks her chamber every night to prevent it anyone from seeing.”
“Who is Vendetta?”
“She is prophesied to be the most powerful Tiyeta holder, there is ledged that the one who masters all thirteen powers will open a new era for the Tiyeta holders. She has mastered 12 of the thirteen, the only one she has left is cadeyie, or nature manipulation, which I do not have.”
“Wow” I said, “What else do you have? That was only seven.”
“I’m afraid you have to go,” Mecha said, “you’re parents will wonder if you don’t come home from school. I will contact you when I can teach you of the rest. Take my hand and we can bahawi away.” I did so and after the same awkward two minutes I ended up on my front steps, Mecha waved, and took of in an incredibly fast sprint.


So there you go, my rough draft, any suggestions, post a groovie!

Weight Loss Drugs

The FDA has just reviewed and endorsed a new weight loss drug, entitled Contrave. It was voted 13-7 that the benefits outweigh the blood pressure risk. Being a strong advocate of healthy living, I heartily suggest that no one takes this weight loss supplement, or any weight loss supplement. The fact that only 65% of the panel voted it through should be an indication to you that the drug could be dangerous. High Blood pressure is linked to damage in your arteries, kidneys, heart, and brain. According to the mayoclinic high blood pressure can damage your organs for years without you realizing it.
Chances are, if you are overweight and considering a weight loss pill, you already have high blood pressure, and this medication will raise it further. Creating a greater risk for heart attack or stroke. Yep, you may get slightly thinner, so you'll look a little better in your casket (but not much, because you're dead, and most likely still really fat).
Contrave also contains an anti-depressant, which are proven to have the following side effects:

Dry mouth

Urinary retention

Blurred vision

Constipation

Sedation (can interfere with driving or operating machinery)

Sleep disruption

Weight gain

Headache

Nausea

Gastrointestinal disturbance/diarrhea

Abdominal pain

Inability to achieve an erection

Inability to achieve an orgasm (men and women)

Loss of libido

Agitation

Anxiety

So you may lose weight, but you will not be able to enjoy it, because you're anxious and constipated. You can't sleep, you're a dangerous driver. 
Also I would also like to point out that one of the effects is weight gain... yes that totally makes sense... 

Basically what all this research amounts to is this medication is going to make you feel like crap, and you're not going to get any thinner, and you will be very disappointed, because you got your hopes up, and finally thought you were going to feel good about yourself.

Well, I'm sorry, but there is no easy way to feel good about yourself. Even the skinniest people have grievances with themselves. If you want results you're going to have to do it the old fashioned way. Healthy Eating, and Physical Activity. This isn't going to happen right away, so my suggestion to you, is to be confident with yourself right now. The truth is, everyone is so caught up in there own self image that they won't notice that you have a little extra pudge.

I'm not telling you to lose weight, I'm telling you to live healthily, and if it's meant to be, the weight loss will follow. Living healthy is not that hard if you do it the right way. I always eat things I like, eating healthy doesn't have to mean eating gross things. I'm not going to get into specific things you can eat right now, but one of these days I put some of my favorite recipes on here.

Physical activity doesn't mean spending long hours in the gym either (although that can be very fun and rewarding). My favorite exercise is playing the Wii. A lot of people who haven't tried it don't think it's that great of a work out, but it is, it really is. I am a very excitable person, so I get really into the games. Boxing on Wii Sports is a great way to get your heart rate up. You even get a little more exercise when you do a happy dance when you win against your grandma (who has beaten everyone else, I might add), so you become the grand champion of boxing. Wario smooth moves is another great way to get your heart rate up. There are a bunch of random tasks for you to do, and they keep going faster and faster, which increases the sense of urgency and makes you work so much harder. The best game ever is Just Dance, this is truly a workout, (I'm also the grand champion at this game), it's also pretty hilarious, so while you're letting someone else have a turn, you can work out your abs from all the laughing you're doing.

I guess the point of my Wii stories, is that working out (and getting healthy) is more fun with other people. You could have a dance party, or play football, or Spud (a more strategic version of dodge ball), and it won't even feel like a work out. All these activities you need other people to do (okay, maybe you can have you're own personal dance party) so spread the health around and work it out! Yay. Just thinking about it pumps me up. You know what else? Spending time with your friends in a productive, fun way can also combat some of that depression you're feeling over being fat.

You are now the proud owner of the knowledge that will make you a happy person. Health, friends, family, and confidence. I bet you never thought it was that easy.

Microsoft Paint

I have recently been enthralled by the Blog Hyperbole and a Half it's author  to uses a series of pictures drawn on Microsoft Paint to supplement her hilarious stories. They are so beautifully done, that it's hard to believe she did them on the computer.

A friend of mine, inspired by this blog also uses Microsoft paint to make amazing pictures on her blog. This friend is an amazing artist anyway, but I am so much more amazed with her talents now that I have seen what see can produce.

So one day, out of sheer boredom I decided to try my hand at drawing on Microsoft Paint. It did not turn out so well. I'm not sure what I excepted. I can't even draw a dang bunny. For my first attempt I tried to draw a little boy, but it soon turned out to be a creepy smiling llama.

Okay, so it really doesn't look that much like a Llama, but that was the closest thing I could think of. So I thought, maybe I'll try some abstract drawing, and see how it turns out. So I randomly scribbled all over the page then used the paint bucket to fill in all the little spots with different colors. Pretty soon a huge blob was forming in the middle. I thought "Gee that blob looks an awful lot like a dino-skunk" So thus the following was produced:

So I made a third attempt. Now I know what you are thinking, "Weren't the first two attempts terrible enough for you to stop trying." Yes, but for some reason I tried a final time. I think it was the best attempt so far. It's entitled "Fat Kid on a Trampoline. "

So there you have it. That is the extent of my artistic ability. Feel free to make fun of me all you like. Or you may send me cards of sympathy for the death of my artistic ability. 

Christmas Baking Day and Obesity

It's that time of of year again. The time of year where I get fat. Not really, the New York Times says that the average person only gains a single pound during the holidays. Personally I don't see how this pans out. Today marks the beginning of the multitude of Christmas cookies and treats I will eat this winter season. Yes it's Christmas Baking Day. Every year my whole family gathers at my house to share a day of baking and eating (but mostly eating). It's starts around eight O'clock every year on a Saturday, and lasts until the afternoon. We spend hours sorting and packing the goodies to send to everyone's houses (my mother doesn't like to have to many sweets in our house).

Following the baking we do Christmas Carols, badly sung, then play games as a family. (This year we played Scriblish)

Anyway, I'm not just telling you this because I want to tell you a mushy story about how much I love my family. I'd rather address the overeating that the holidays allow. 

According to the New York Times people rarely lose the pound that they gain during the holidays. That single pound can plague you for the rest of your life. I'm not saying that gaining weight is bad. Gaining weight from muscle, or growing, or maturing is perfectly okay, but gaining weight from eating too much can be fatal. If that one pound goes to your butt or thighs you have extra weight to carry that can ruin your joints, but you are far better off having a little bit bigger booty that having the weight collect in your chest or stomach. That extra weight surrounds your organs, basically suffocating them. Your heart and lungs have to work double time just when you're sitting on the couch when you're overweight. 

Now you may be saying, that's a lot of talk for just one pound, but it's been proven by a study done by the University of Oklahoma  that if you are already overweight you will gain more weight during the holidays than an average person. So basically every year you will gain more weight than the year before, causing you to spiral towards obesity. 

Gaining weight during the holidays also makes you more likely to gain weight the rest of the year. Sugary and fatty foods are very addictive. A study done by the Scripps Research Institute fat and sugar prove to be as addictive as cocaine. I personally find this a little extreme, but not completely untrue. We've all spent a day eating sugar and continually looking for something else to eat, even though we're not hungry, we just need to fill our craving. The reason I think comparing it to cocaine is a little extreme, is because overeating is so much easier to stop doing than cocaine. After holidays my families always do a week where we don't eat any sweets, it's so much easier to get back on track that way. I always wonder why I eat sweets in the first place because they make me feel slow and gross, I usually can't wait for the holidays to be over so I can eat some real food.

My suggestion to you this holiday is to eat what you want, but between every treat eat something filling and healthy but you like. Such as your favorite fresh fruit (mine are mangos) or vegetable (can't go wrong with carrots). Your body with thank you, as well as your mind, and self-esteem. 

Most of all use the holidays to spend some quality time with your family. Play a board game that keeps you awake and laughing, or go for a walk, or play football in the yard. The family experience is so much better when you're all not about asleep on the couch. 

The Boy Who Never Smiles

I guess I shouldn't say he's never smiled, he smiled once, but it wasn't a friendly smile.
It seems to me this boy leads a very miserable life, he's not that attractive, doesn't have much of a personality, is condescending, and yet I still try to find the good in him. I search and search, but all I find is that he is smart, I mean really smart, so smart that he isn't able to hold a normal conversation with a girl who is just trying to be friendly.
Since I have met him, I have been determined to make him smile. When I pass him in the hallway I wave frantically with a huge smile plastered on my face, surly the pure image of me waving my arms like a maniac would make him smile, or the equally maniac smile would produce a chuckle. Nope. Nothing. He makes eye contact, and I relax into a normal smile, but he looks down and his frown hardens further. I was beginning to think my insane waving was creeping him out, (it's possible, I would imagine I look deranged), but it doesn't seem to be the case.
Just a smile and a hello, doesn't seem to work either, he makes eye contact and looks down, not returning my salutation. I have tried flattering him, by asking him for help, and telling him how smart he is. But it's seems to him that I'm stating the obvious. Almost like the fact that he's alive makes it redundant to point out he is intelligent. At this point I'm thinking that this boy doesn't deserve to smile, he's so condescending and infuriating that he could be miserable the rest of his life and it wouldn't bother me. Except it does. For some reason I need to believe that everyone has the potential to be a functioning, pleasant member of society.
I need to make a plan, this boy needs to smile. This will happen. Maybe I should find some corny jokes to tell him. How about:

What kind of shoes are made from bananas?

Slippers

or

What's Gray and not here?

An elephant

or

Why is 8 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9

or

Call me a cab!

Okay, You're a cab.

Some how I doubt that these will make him smile, he may look at me like I'm an idiot, but hey it's worth a shot. Maybe I will leave pictures of small furry animals at his desk. Who wouldn't smile at those.

I can see it now. He can't even sit down at the shear volume of cute rabit pictures all over his chair. Then just as he finally sits down I will carry in a baby rabit that is so fat and fluffy that he can't contain his smile any longer. He will run into the arms of the bunny and eskimo kiss it's little nose. My heart is just melting thinking about all the love he would have for the little fluffy bunny.

More Jokes